The Power Of… Relationships

The people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits – Dan Buettner

Malnourishment

Physical malnourishment occurs when the body doesn’t get enough nutrients to support health and growth. The statistics around malnourishment in the United States alone are staggering. Over 200,000 cases per year! This deprivation is not only of enough food but enough of the right kind of foods to promote and maintain healthy organs and tissues. According to the Mayo Clinic, symptoms of malnutrition include but are not limited to:

• Fatigue
• Dizziness
• Unplanned weight loss
• Loss of focus
• Slow or stunted growth
• Overweight

Like nutrition, relationships are essential in life. They provide us with love, support, and companionship. They help us grow and learn and make life more enjoyable. Without healthy relationships, we are relationally malnourished. We suffer some of the same outcomes, such as slow growth, unfocused living, loneliness, and fatigue. We are strengthened through our relationships. 

The Necessity of Relationships

Similar to nutrition, the power of relationships comes down to quality, not quantity. A plate full of food doesn’t necessarily equate to nutrition. Having many friends doesn’t mean we have healthy relationships where we can be authentic and vulnerable and trust is its defining factor.  There are many different types of relationships, but all healthy relationships have one thing in common: they are based less on control and more on connection and commitment. When we connect with others, we feel a sense of belonging and purpose. We feel seen, heard, and understood. And when we feel connected, we are happier and healthier. Relationships change our lives for the better. They can help us overcome challenges, achieve our goals, and live more fulfilling lives. Be alert for toxic relationships and either set up boundaries necessary or total elimination is the best course of action. 

There are many different types of relationships, but all healthy relationships have one thing in common: they are based less on control and more on connection and commitment.

Relational Banking

Making deposits in a relationship are words backed with actions that add value, trust, dependence, gratitude, and love to the relationship. These five are bedrocks to any thriving relationship. You must use the building blocks repeatedly over time and through different seasons in a relationship to be proven as genuine. The amount of withdrawals we make in our relationships should be measured by the deposits we have made. A large withdrawal requires a large deposit.  It’s impossible to withdraw where you have never made a deposit. When we always withdraw and never make deposits, we drain our relationships; eventually, they wither and die. When relationships are in this weakening state, the smallest conflict can become the straw that breaks the camel’s back. How can we measure our relational deposits and withdrawals so we don’t end up with overdrawn accounts?

It’s impossible to withdraw where you have never made a deposit. When we always withdraw and never make deposits, we drain our relationships; eventually, they wither and die.

1. See the value in a person before you seek their flaws. 

Sometimes when I put a dollar in a vending machine, it will kick it back to me. After a few tries with the same result, I remove the wrinkles to straighten out my dollar and stick it back in. After more failed attempts, I reach into my pocket to find a newer dollar or one with fewer wrinkles. The dollar, whether new, wrinkled, or torn, is still a dollar. Its flaws don’t erase its value, but if I allow the vending machine to define this for me, I will probably throw the wrinkled dollar away, citing its flaws. Often we carry a vending machine mentality in our relationships, which robs us of the true value of connecting deeply because we are more conditioned to see the wrinkles as opposed to the value. Nobody is perfect, but everyone has value.

2. Create opportunities for transparency and vulnerability. 

Nothing enhances a relationship like transparency. It means being open and unashamed instead of afraid and hiding. When we choose the former, we become more inclined to deepen what exists, but the latter creates walls of separation and mistrust which eventually lead to a closed relational account. Don’t just show people your successes; reveal your scars as well. Scars are the stories of your sufferings but also your healing.

3. Exceed expectations

Don’t be a bare minimum participant in a relationship. Go over and above regarding what you contribute, even when you don’t get recognized or appreciated. Don’t let a lack of acknowledgment suffocate your excellence and generosity. Crucify your want for credit. Give your highest and best each time without holding back. In other words, go all out!

4. Look to multiply and not always subtract

Multiplication is how you build wealth financially as well as relationally. Seek always to deposit and only withdraw when necessary. Depositing can be as simple as listening, sending a message of encouragement, a thank you note, or having a shared experience. Don’t wait for special occasions or events, make deposits as often as possible.

Seek always to deposit and only withdraw when necessary. Depositing can be as simple as listening, sending a message of encouragement, a thank you note, or having a shared experience.

Final Thought: Relationships are a two-way street. It takes effort from both people to make them work. But when you put in the work, the rewards are worth it. Relationships are worth the effort. Without them, we become malnourished. With them, life is richer, fuller, and more meaningful. Cherish every healthy relationship you have and make deposits as often as possible. 

Keep on Keeping on