Exceeding expectations seeks to bring more value to a relationship than you receive – Unknown.
The Case for Thriving Relationships
Like plants, relationships require deposits of nurturing and nourishment through the air of encouragement, the water of appreciation, and the light of transparency that builds trust. Additionally, they necessitate the fertilizer of quality time. Without them, relationships wither under the heat of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, aptly dubbed the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman.
Making deposits in a relationship are words backed with actions that add value, trust, dependence, and gratitude. These bedrocks are vital to any thriving relationship. To be proven genuine, they are repeated over time and through different seasons in a relationship. The amount of withdrawals we make in our relationships is measured by the deposits we have made. A large withdrawal requires a large deposit. It’s impossible to withdraw where you have never made a deposit. In some instances, we call it theft. When we always withdraw and never make deposits, we drain our relationships; eventually, they die. When relationships weaken, the most minor conflict can become the straw that breaks the camel’s back. By choosing to exceed expectations, we maintain a good balance between our relational deposits and withdrawals so we don’t end up with overdrawn accounts.
When we always withdraw and never make deposits, we drain our relationships; eventually, they die.
How to Exceed Expectations
1. Don’t be a bare minimum participant: Go over and above when it comes to what you contribute, even when you don’t get recognized or appreciated. Don’t let a lack of acknowledgment suffocate your excellence and generosity. Crucify your want for credit. Give your highest and best each time without holding back. In other words, go all out!
2. Be your best: To bring your best, you must be your best. A commitment to personal growth is in your best interest and also for your relationships. The quality of your relationships is directly proportional to the level of your personal development. Do you have a plan for personal growth? Your growth makes you a person of value, which, in turn, makes you add value to your relationships.
3. Be thoughtful: This calls for a full engagement of our faculties through small daily actions that communicate one crucial point: I care. Why is it difficult to be thoughtful? Because it takes time and reflection. Thoughtfulness requires a retrospective posture of living where I consistently ask myself, “How can I make someone else’s life better? We display this thoughtfulness through kindness, listening, and forgiveness, even when it is hard. The more thoughtful you are, the less selfish you become. Through the years, I have learned that selfishness and value-based relationships don’t mix because while selfishness is self-centered, value-based relationships are other-centered.
Selfishness and value-based relationships don’t mix because while selfishness is self-centered, value-based relationships are other-centered.
Final Thought: Exceeding expectations in relationships reflects value. It is a daily choice that requires effort and commitment. You become more of a giver than a taker in your relationships. Make this daily choice by being your best, being thoughtful, and resisting the temptation to be a bare minimum participant. Thriving relationships are possible only if we decide to nurture them.
Keep on keeping on!
Discover Your Treasure 