By Design or Default: Who Are You With?

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions – Anthony J. D’Angelo

The Value of Relationships

Research published by the National Institute of Health supports the idea that the strength of our relationships directly impacts our overall health. This is why we ought to be mindful of our relationships. Good relationships create opportunities for caring and not fear. Caring releases stress-reducing hormones, while fear releases stress-enhancing hormones. At times, our relationships can be a place of healing from the hurts and hardships of life. However, not every relationship will do; bad relationships can negatively impact our health. The good news is that everyone can have successful relationships by applying three simple keys:

1. Celebrate

One way we show a caring attitude in our relationships is to celebrate each other. There are causes to celebrate people all around us. Just put on your celebration glasses! Let’s not just celebrate achievements but also celebrate people’s good attitudes and good choices. We also celebrate others when we express our appreciation. Find time to tell someone, “I appreciate you because/for _______.” 

Celebrating others has a way of changing the atmosphere in a relationship. It can inject much-needed life, especially for a relationship languishing in despair. Robert Ingersoll said it well, “We rise by lifting others.” This is the essence of celebrating others. Comparison is the thief of celebration. It will pickpocket the appreciation we should give others because it creates insecurities. As a rule of thumb, I recommend that you celebrate what you want to see more of in others. Using this method will challenge those you celebrate to become better people because what’s rewarded gets repeated. 

2. Challenge

There is a difference between being challenged and being criticized. The difference is the intention. No relationship can weather a constant barrage of criticism. Distance and, eventually, disconnection will become the result. While criticism makes us shrink, challenges stretch us to bring out our best. Challenges are often the platform where our full potential is discovered. As I grow older and a little wiser, the company I keep has challenged me to:

1. Living up to my responsibilities has made me a better man, husband, and father.
2. Make better decisions, keep the bigger picture in view, and be grateful for what God has given me.
3. Become a C.E.O (Chief Encouragement Officer) to others, cheering them on as they navigate the ups and downs of life. 

My relationships have challenged me to improve myself in life and given me a platform to express compassion. 

3. Compassion

Acrobats and trapeze artists do dangerous acts to wow crowds consistently. One of the unnoticeable but most essential parts of these acts is a safety net. The acrobats are confident to jump as high as they do, triple somersault, or balance on a thin wire while juggling because they know the safety net will catch them in the event of a fall. The net may never come into use, but knowing it is there makes a difference in their performance.

Compassion is a safety net in relationships. We are more confident expressing ourselves when we know we have a safe place free from criticism, judgment, and even ridicule. Compassion and the safety net perform the same function – Risk mitigation. Because compassion comes from a place of love, it strengthens relationships. It is not a luxury but a necessity for relationships to thrive. The late theologian and doctor Albert Schweitzer nailed it by saying, “The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others.” A listening ear, random acts of kindness, and being there for people in their lowest places are ways to grow your compassion and become a safety net for people you are in a relationship with.  

 Compassion is a safety net in relationships. We are more confident expressing ourselves when we know we have a safe place free from criticism, judgment, and even ridicule

Final thought: Look back at the three keys above. Which relationships check all three boxes? Are you giving all three to the people you are with? If not, start to apply what you lack with intentionality. In short, give what you seek. Don’t wait for the other person to do it first. Be proactive and take the first step. Remember, who you are with dramatically influences how you live. 

Keep on Keeping on!